Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
