she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
this is an emotional support booty call
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
