i always forget guys have bellybuttons
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
