The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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