one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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