Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
