cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
