ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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