i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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