ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
