i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dear god my vagina.
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