also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
