It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
