sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
