You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize