Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She bit a glass in half.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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