On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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