I met the friendliest cop last night
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
