My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
it glows. i had to have it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
