apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
