i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
