There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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