I will die if light touches me.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
