My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
