She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
