I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
