Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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