I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize