Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
