mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
