College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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