His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
