Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he high fived his dick after we had sex
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
