Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
