i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
