I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
