I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
