just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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