Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
