just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
