Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Holy shit dude........stairs
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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