just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
