My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
