Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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