Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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