My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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