We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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