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my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
is it fun? or sober?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
