I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
