I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
