Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i dont even know how to be here
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
