The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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