Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize