Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
