College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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