I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
