Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
