Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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