ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize