I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize