I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
