get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
