The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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