i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
