I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am available for nakedness
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
