me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
