Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
