he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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