He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
